Why I Mourn My Childhood Home

Grief: The Loss of a Childhood Home

Grief can hit us in powerful and unanticipated ways. You might expect to grieve a person, a pet or even a former version of yourself – but many people are surprised by the depth of sad yearning they can feel after selling the childhood home.

In fact, it is normal to grieve a place. And this grief can be especially profound if it coincides with a parent dying or moving into residential aged care, leading to the sale of their house.

Grief is the response to the loss of anything to which we have an emotional connection. A growing body of research is looking at how grief can extend to “non-person” losses such as infertility, loss of religion and, yes, the loss of a former home.

Why would someone grieve a house?

The childhood home can be an important place for many of us. It literally housed our formative development, family bonds, and core memories. Hopefully, the childhood home is where we learned about safety, security and love.

It was likely surrounded by our neighbourhood, and close to important places such as school, playgrounds and friends’ houses. It is no wonder we grieve it when it’s gone.

It’s normal to grieve things we can’t see and touch but are real and valued. Just as a serious diagnosis might trigger grief for an imagined future for yourself, or an identity you once cherished, loss of a childhood home can hit us harder than we think.

A complicated grief

When a childhood home is sold because of the death of parents, the feelings of loss about the home are closely linked. The home being sold can be a type of secondary loss that sits in the periphery to the primary loss of parents.

Grieving the deaths might, at first, take precedence over the loss of the home.

It might only be later that the loss of the home and all it represents becomes apparent. Because the home provides a connection to the deceased person, the loss of the home might add another layer of grief about your parents. Perhaps you find that whenever you recall memories of mum or dad, they seem always to be at the house.

How can I cope with this loss?

Grief from the loss of a childhood home is real and valid. We should recognize this and be kind to ourselves and others experiencing it. We shouldn’t minimize the loss or make fun of it.

Usually, the loss is anticipated, and this allows you to take photos, furniture or mementos from the home or garden before you leave or sell.

Grief researchers call these “transitional objects”. They may help you maintain a connection to what is lost, while still grieving the place.

Social support while grieving is important. Some people share memories and photos of the home with their siblings, or derive comfort from driving by the home.

Just be prepared for the possibility it will likely change as the new owners adapt it to their needs. You might feel affronted, but hopefully can eventually accept the property now belongs to someone else.

Chat to your doctor if the loss is particularly difficult, and your grief doesn’t change and subside over time. They might be able to recommend a psychologist who specializes in grief.

If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Conclusion

The loss of a childhood home can be a significant and complex experience. It is important to acknowledge the grief and recognize that it is a normal part of the process. By being kind to ourselves and others, and seeking social support, we can work through this difficult time.

FAQs

* Why do people grieve the loss of a childhood home?
+ People grieve the loss of a childhood home because it is often tied to emotional connections, memories, and a sense of identity.
* Is it normal to grieve a place?
+ Yes, it is normal to grieve a place, especially if it has significant emotional meaning.
* How can I cope with the loss of a childhood home?
+ You can cope with the loss of a childhood home by seeking social support, taking photos or mementos, and acknowledging the grief.