An embodied understanding of self-esteem vs self-compassion is something we are able to arrive at through awareness and mindfulness practice. Discerning between the 2 is essential to living with real confidence and peace of mind.
We are indeed our biggest critics. The human mind, genetically predisposed to noticing problems, tends to be very self-critical. On one level, this serves us by helping us grow. However, constant self-judgment does more harm than good.
Typically, we correct for low confidence by attempting to boost our self-esteem. Keep reading and also you’ll learn why self-compassion is definitely far more practical in the case of perceiving ourselves as worthy of loving-kindness.
What is Self-Compassion?
When it involves differentiating self-compassion from self-esteem, it helps to know what self-compassion actually is. It isn’t self-care or self-love, although those could also be involved within the expression of self-compassion.
Self-compassion is the act of tending to our own suffering with care. Sometimes, it’s easier for us to know compassion because it relates to a different. When we see someone hurting, a compassionate response includes wishing them to be free from their pain, or acting in ways in which make it so. It’s compassionate to want others to feel higher. We can do the identical for ourselves.
Offering ourselves self-compassion requires three essential components. First, we should be mindful of our own discomfort, pain or suffering. Secondly, we recognize this pain isn’t ours alone because we’re bad or unworthy. Rather, it’s a shared human condition. Finally, we extend loving-kindness to ourselves, the identical way we would to a different.
The Importance of Self-Compassion
Most of us are habituated to being hard on ourselves, especially in our most difficult moments. When faced with discomfort or pain, we may feel guilt or shame. We may speak to ourselves harshly with words of self-blame, self-criticism or self-judgment. Responding to harm in this way, nonetheless, only makes us feel worse.
Do this repeatedly, and it will possibly result in deep self-loathing, depression, and anxiety around making mistakes or not being liked. We can turn this around by learning to switch our self-punishing behavior with real self-compassion. With practice, self-compassion changes our lives for the higher.
Research supports the notion that there’s a strong link between self-compassion and well-being. Those who rank high in self-compassion experience less depression, anxiety, stress, and suicidal ideation.
What is Self-Esteem?
Researchers generally define self-esteem as “an overall feeling of self-worth.” It is “the degree to which the self is judged to be competent in life domains deemed essential.” High self-esteem was once considered a measure of psychological well-being, but researchers today should not so sure. The cons of pursuing high self-esteem may outweigh the professionals.
Self-esteem differs from self-compassion in that it relies on the stories and beliefs we hold about ourselves, which can or might not be true. What’s more, to manifest such feelings of worthiness, we may depend on avoidance, external circumstances, and comparison to others.
For example, to guard our feelings of worthiness, we may dismiss constructive negative feedback. We may get indignant at those that dare indicate our flaws or how we could have hurt them. When we resist taking responsibility for our actions, it only results in more harm, hindering personal growth and alter.
Self-esteem not only arises based on how we see ourselves, but can go up or down based on how we perceive, and compare ourselves to, others. This too, perpetuates harm. It keeps us in a paradigm through which we’re separate from others, and should be seen as higher than, to take care of a way of confidence and worthiness.
Self-Compassion vs. Self-Esteem
According to mindfulness and self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff, self-esteem vs self-compassion poses a transparent distinction. Self-esteem is positively related to public self-consciousness, social comparison, anger, self-rumination, and even narcissism. Self-compassion, however, has a stronger negative association with each of those traits.
Self-esteem is unstable. It relies on our thought patterns and beliefs regarding external conditions. So, maintaining high self-esteem is difficult. Self-compassion could be stabilized with practice. It isn’t depending on us feeling unique or higher than others. With self-compassion, we generally is a flawed human being, identical to everyone else, and still be ok with ourselves.
To understand what makes self-compassion so different from self-esteem, we are able to look again at what defines self-compassion. The following relies on Dr. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion vs self-esteem research.
Mindfulness vs Overidentification:
Self-compassion is rooted in our willingness to just accept the reality of this moment, even when painful. Self-esteem, nonetheless, relies on us identifying with our beliefs about ourselves. Overidentification encourages us to look away when reality challenges those beliefs. It keeps us closed minded and infrequently unwilling to grow.
Common Humanity vs Isolation:
Self-compassion reminds us our hardships are never ours to bear alone. As humans, we’re each perfectly imperfect, and it’s perfectly okay to make mistakes. Self-esteem relies on us feeling separate and special, which may keep us feeling alone. Measuring our price in relation to others can also be a recipe for hurt.
Loving-Kindness vs Self-Judgment:
Self-compassion invites us to practice self-kindness. We try giving ourselves grace, speaking kind words to ourselves, and tending to our pain. Self-esteem, however, necessitates continual self-judgment. We turn into more more likely to get stuck in self-rumination as our constant self-evaluation becomes pathological.
The Role of Self-Compassion vs Self Esteem in Relationships
The wonderful thing about compassion is that it’s omnidirectional. The more we practice self-compassion, the more capable we turn into of extending compassion to others, and vice versa. Self-compassion might help improve our relationships by fostering greater empathy and deeper, more meaningful connections with others.
A 2021 meta-review of 72 research articles on self-compassion and relationships found those with higher levels of self-compassion usually tend to experience secure attachment. Higher self-compassion is related to healthier friendships, family, and romantic relationships, through which conflict is constructive and repairable.
Within families, evidence suggests self-compassionate parents are more willing to vary their parenting behaviors in accordance with their child’s needs. Their children usually tend to exemplify self-compassion too.
Kristin Neff About Self-Compassion vs Self-Esteem
Kristin Neff is a mindful self-compassion researcher. Currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology on the University of Texas at Austin, Neff has a BA in communications from the University of California at Los Angeles (1988) and a PhD in moral development from the University of California at Berkeley (1997).
In 1997, Neff began practicing meditation within the Buddhist tradition.She decided to research self-compassion – a central construct in Buddhist psychology and one which had not yet been examined empirically.
In addition to her pioneering research into self-compassion, she has developed an 8-week program to show self-compassion skills. The program, co-created along with her colleague Chris Germer, a guest teacher within the Mindfulness Exercises Teacher Certification Program, is named Mindful Self-Compassion. Her book, Self-Compassionwas published by William Morrow in April, 2011.
In the next video by Kristin Neff, self-compassion vs self-esteem takes a front seat. Neff explains why we would prefer to practice the previous.
Overcoming Challenges to Self-Compassion vs Self-Esteem
For lots of us, self-compassion warrants practice and cultivation. In the method, it’s common to face obstacles and challenges. We can overcome obstacles to self-compassion by reminding ourselves that this too, needn’t be done perfectly, or unexpectedly.
The first step in cultivating self-compassion is to just accept that we’re hurting, that there’s a pain to be addressed. This alone is understandably quite difficult for some. With a loving awareness, we are able to begin to bring mindfulness to the ways through which we suffer.
It may help to recollect there’s no must be joyful on a regular basis, and that suffering is an element of being human. What’s more, we’d like not face our suffering head on. We can baby-step our strategy to accepting our condition, addressing what we’re feeling little by little, or by titrating out and in of our practice.
Practicing Self-Compassion vs Self-Esteem
Let the next resources enable you to cultivate self-compassion, versus self-esteem. May they enable you to to supply yourself grace in times of hardship.
Listen to podcasts and audio meditations on self-compassion
Use a self-compassion meditation script to guide your individual practice
Use a mindfulness worksheet to guide a self-compassion exercise
Deepen your understanding by teaching others self-compassion
Conclusion
We can boost real self-esteem by taking esteemable motion, comparable to telling the reality, fulfilling our commitments, or being of service to others. However, the research shows that to be ok with ourselves, worthy and cared for, it’s less effective to cultivate self-esteem vs self-compassion. When self-compassion is high, we’re way more able to maintaining a gentle, positive view of our inherent worthiness.
